If Pens Could Kill: The 12 Best Tactical Pens

There’s a good chance you already include a nice writing pen as part of your everyday carry, so why not opt for one that could help save your life in an emergency? Tactical pens are sturdy writing tools that double as formidable weapons. The word “tactical” in itself has military connections, and tells us there is some form of combative innovation included in this otherwise ordinary item. The products showcased in this collection can be your trustworthy writing companion at one moment, and your “go-go gadget shank” in another. So if you’re an appreciator of stealthy pens that appear to be manufactured in Bond’s Q Branch, the following guide is going to be of great interest to you. Here’s our list of the 12 best tactical pens on the market. (Lasers, Bond babes and Judi Dench not included.)

Cold Steel Pocket Shark

Cold Steel Pocket Shark

The Alias or Charlie’s Angels of pens, the Cold Steel Pocket Shark is designed to look like your typical permanent marker, but is made with high impact plastic and features walls that are 4 times thicker than your average marker. The look-a-like can also be effectively used as a Yawara stick, a Japanese weapon used in various martial arts.

Purchase: $7

Uzi Defender Tactical Glassbreaker Pen

Uzi Defender Tactical Glassbreaker Pen

If all pens were Bruce Banner, this one’s the Hulk. Specifically made to shatter glass for unmentionable reasons, the Uzi Tactical Glassbreaker Pen is created with quality aircraft grade aluminum, and comes in a stealthy gun metal color option. While it’s no equipped with the brand’s “DNA catcher” technology, the UZI-TACPEN2-GM is our personal favorite from the bunch of Uzi offerings. So go ahead, Hulk Smash the crap out of some glass.

Purchase: $14

ProMag Archangel Defense Pen

ProMag Archangel Defense Pen

Designed as an everyday item for police and military personnel, the Archangel Defense Pen features a CNC Machined T6 aircraft grade aluminum body with a black type III hard-anodized coating. The product comes with a lifetime guarantee as well, to further prove we measly humans can do no damage to this tank of a pen.

Purchase: $19

Schrade Tactical Fountain Pen

Schrade Tactical Fountain Pen

The Tactical Fountain Pen by Schrade is pure class and kick ass. The pen offers two options: a standard rollerball pen, and the much more refined, fountain pen. Complete with a black aircraft-grade aluminum body and ribs for added grip, this German-made fountain pen will serve as both a functional and whimsical writing tool; but also an instrument that could viciously tear through someone’s abdomen.

Purchase: $21

Smith and Wesson Military and Police Tactical Pen

Smith & Wesson Military and Police Tactical Pen

Besides writing and murdering the occasional civilian (kidding!), this 3 in 1 pen and its personal protection tip is perfect for the tablet and eReader user. Which nowadays is just about everyone. The Smith & Wesson brand is synonymous with quality and the logo is laser engraved so it won’t get scuffed. The pen is also available in pink, just in case your girl wants to get her delicate hands on one as well.

Purchase: $28

Boker Plus Tactical Pen

Boker Plus Bolt-Action Tactical Pen

This tactical pen brings new meaning to “cutthroat work environment.” Crafted with anodized milled aluminum, the jet-black pen features an integrated clip you can’t chew off no matter how bored you get in meetings, and a blunt tip that saves you from actually killing someone (which obviously, is not recommended).

Purchase: $37

CRKT Tao Tactical Pen

CRKT Tao Tactical Pen

This pen was designed by award-winning knife designer Allen Elishewitz. Its many lethal qualities were designed in to protect its handler in three levels. One: the impact crown on the cap can be used to strike the assailant on the head or hands by raking or thrusting. Two: the more pointed butt of the pen may be used to thrust or provide a disabling pressure point behind the ears, at the armpit or throat. And three: the pen point may be thrust for penetration in soft tissues of the throat, chest or abdomen with potentially lethal results. So, yeah. It’s pretty hardcore.

Purchase: $38

Gerber Impromptu Tactical Pen

Gerber Impromptu Tactical Pen

Made alongside law enforcement professionals, the Impormpu Tactical pen can smash glass like the Uzi, but has much less complexity to it, making this option much easier to store and carry around without people thinking you’re some kind of white-collar Survivorman.

Purchase: $45

CountyComm Stainless Embassy Elite Pen

CountyComm Stainless Embassy Elite Pen

Heavy as a roll of dimes, the CountyComm Stainless Embassy Elite Pen measures at 5.25 inches by .50 inches in diameter. This pen is a force to be reckoned based on appearances alone. It’s the Jason Statham of pens, basically. Adding to the badassery, the pen has a super masculine stainless steel and stone wash finish.

Purchase: $55

Tuff Writer Tactical Pen

Tuff Writer Tactical Pen

First off, the pen labels you a “tuff writer” which is badass in and of itself. The pen also grants users the unnecessary ability to write in temperatures of -30 to 250 degrees Farenheit, in the slight chance you’re in a near-deadly circumstance (either frozen or completely melted) with the sudden urge to write your memoirs.

Purchase: $80

Mil-Tac Tactical Defense Pen

Mil-Tac Tactical Defense Pen

This pen is made from aircraft grade anodized aluminum, for crying out loud. If that’s not enough to secure your purchase, it’s also one of the more understated tactical pens on the market—meaning nobody will know this little tool could peel the flesh off anyone in the boardroom (again, not recommended). The pen comes in an assortment of colors as well, just in case you like your deadly weapons a little more personalized.

Purchase: $89

Surefire IV Tactical Pen

Surefire IV Tactical Pen

If you’re more in the market for a good-looking pen that writes well, but can also kick some ass when times get shady, your best bet is the SureFire IV Tactical Pen. The pen is slim and sleek, but heavy duty as well, made with high-strength aerospace aluminum.

Purchase: $114

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