Misfortune Cookies

“Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.” If those kind of tepid clichés turn you off from indulging in fortune cookies, you’re not alone. What once seemed thrilling and novel as a youngster now seems hack. But these new depressingly accurate Misfortune Cookies from Firebox leave all the rainbows and unicorns behind and deal strictly in the cold harsh realities of modern day adult life.

With blunt messages like “Everyone you know wishes they hadn’t met you. Avoid the following colors: Red, Blue, Green (and any mixture of those),” these cookies promise to wake you up from your rose-colored slumber. And really, after gorging yourself on General Tso’s, you probably deserve a little kick in the ass. [Via | Purchase]