Clean Sweep: 15 Grooming Essentials for Men

Jan 22, 2016

Category: Grooming

Guys, there’s no two ways about it: we’ve gotten sloppy. There was a time when you would get arrested for walking out of the house without being clean-shaven, wearing suit, tie, and hat. These days we’re so busy we barely change clothes, and we survive by giving everything the sniff test. This is an unacceptable state of affairs. We should be striving to prove that men can be as quaffed and as clean as our female counterparts each and every day, so that life is more pleasant for those around us, and better for us in turn.

We want to live in a civilized world, where we aren’t constantly bombarded with the stench of the human body, which is a disgusting machine that pumps out oil and filth day after day. You have to be vigilant to keep it clean or you’ll soon find people avoiding you, jobs escaping you, women and men repulsed by you, and ultimately, you’ll die alone and unloved. Since we don’t want that to happen, we came up with 15 grooming essentials for men. They’re made to keep you looking smooth and smelling top notch.

ManCave Shower Gel

ManCave Cedarwood Shower Gel

Wake Up Call: All shower gels and body washes are not created equal. If you want a clean feeling that rinses away without a residue, can cut through serious oil and dirt, smells refreshing, and gives you a stimulating and invigorating shower, look no further than the Man Cave.

Purchase: $9

Proraso Shaving Cream

Proraso Shaving Cream

Original Recipe: Just because something is new, doesn’t mean it’s good. Proraso is as old as time and as well-respected as the classic Harlem barber shop. It lifts hairs to stand at attention, allowing you to cut lower on the hair and get a closer shave without the razor burn. It simultaneously opens pores with its mentholated ingredients, and gives you a fresh feeling that will prepare you for the day.

Purchase: $10

Kent Handmade Comb

Kent Handmade Comb

Lay It Down: Gentle on your hair and on your scalp, but still able to tame your tumultuous locks, this is a big comb with both broad and fine-toothed aspects. It works gently on tangles and knots to pull them clear and give your hair a natural body with volume that is under control.

Purchase: $10

Stache Bomb Stache Wax

Stache Bomb Stache Wax

Handlebar Time: You don’t need to be an evil stereotype in a top hat tying a girl to railroad tracks in order to twirl your mustache. All you need is a wax that works on all facial hair, be it a Van Dyke, a goatee, or your porn ‘stache. This handles all hair types, has tremendous hold, and runs out slowly for less costly refills.

Purchase: $12

American Crew Hair Styling Pomade

American Crew Hair Styling Pomade

Hold ‘Em: American Crew has the answer if you want a Don Draper look without the smell. This pomade tames flyaways, keeps fuzz in check, and adds a healthy lustre and shine to your dome that celebrates and enhances your best pompadour or weighs down your unruly curls.

Purchase: $13

Chiefs Pine Man Soap

Chiefs Pine Man Soap

Batting Clean Up: Dirt, grime, and grease are tough to get rid of. You’re going to need more than that little “beauty bar” to clean it all away. You need a man-sized cleaning, so you should pick a soap that exfoliates, smells like a gorgeous forest, and lathers up like a fiend to sweep away all the sludge that accumulates through hard work and rough play.

Purchase: $16

Baxter of California Daily Protein Shampoo

Baxter of California Daily Protein Shampoo

Head Space: Dirty or unkempt hair will destroy an otherwise bombproof look. Complement that suit and tie with a fresh, sparkling hairdo. Able to clean deeply right to the roots and wash away without weighing down your follicles, Baxter’s one of the first names in bathroom products, and their shampoo is #1 in our hearts and on our heads.

Purchase: $16

Jack Black Pit Boss Antiperspirant & Deodorant

Jack Black Pit Boss Deodorant

Go Gently: Underarms are one of our most sensitive areas, yet many hygienics companies fill their deodorants and antiperspirants with harmful and irritating chemicals. By using Jack Black, you avoid rashes and breakouts while still getting a natural deodorant that can take out the funk and protect against embarrassing pit stains day after laborious day.

Purchase: $16

Beardbrand Tea Tree Beard Oil

Beardbrand Tea Tree Beard Oil

Refreshing Treatment: Your skin will feel like it’s being blown by a spring mountain breeze, combined with the crisp smell of alpine air. Simple, natural oils mix in the Tea Tree Beard Oil to give your facial hedge plenty of life, moisturize your skin, and keep your pores clear of detritus.

Purchase: $16

Ursa Major Essential Face Wipes

Ursa Major Essential Face Wipes

Clean Your Mug: Ursa Major’s wipes clear blocked pores to prevent oily build-up, breakouts, and the smell of bacterial infestation. They work to lower inflammation, promote healing, reduce swelling, and deal with all the everyday germs your face and hands pick up. They’re our pick for quick cleaning your body when a bathroom is too far away.

Purchase: $24

Anthony Oil Free Facial Lotion

Anthony Oil Free Facial Lotion

Pure Protection: Using an SPF of 30 with broad spectrum UVA/UVB repelling properties, this simple bottle will help stop the ravages of aging, prevent damage to your skin, and help keep cancer at bay. Sodium PCA is used to retain moisture so that your skin stays hydrated, even when sweating or soaking up the sun.

Purchase: $33

Fulton and; Roark Solid Cologne

Fulton & Roark Solid Cologne

Hard Truth: Solid cologne is a superior way of getting a scent that doesn’t involve covering yourself with a horrifying mist of body spray. It creates a pleasant smell that someone must get close to you to experience, and it hides your body’s odor from those a bit further away.

Purchase: $42+

Edwin Jagger Synthetic Shaving Brush

Edwin Jagger Synthetic Shaving Brush

A Kinder Cut: Most shaving brushes are made with badger or boar hair, which is usually harmful to harvest and lacks innovation. Edwin Jagger has managed to bring all the glory of a badger brush with all the conscientiousness of a synthetic model that hurts no man nor beast.

Purchase: $55

DSPTCH Dopp Kit

DSPTCH Dopp Kit

Decepticon: Oh, it looks like it’s just an average little dopp kit, but with zippers on both sides, tons of interior pockets, and segmented parts for each of your grooming needs, this is a dopp kit that is far more than the simple surface would have you believe.

Purchase: $62

Baxter of California Safety Razor

Baxter of California Safety Razor

Eternal Flame: This could be the last razor you ever buy. The blades are inexpensive, reduce waste, and with the right shaving soap and a little practice, you’ll be able to cut closer than ever. No more throwing away money on expensive cartridges. Plus, it’s Baxter of Cali. What more do you need?

Purchase: $65

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