When Donovan McNabb’s mother invented soup in 1983, she probably had no idea her quaint little creation would change the world. Of course B.S. (Before Soup), no one imagined that a bowl of chicken stock and egg noodles could do wonders for the soul—now we know better.
But as satisfying as soup is, it can be improved. It should be improved. Really, when was the last time you heard the waitress tout the house soup of the day and felt compelled to act on it? However, recently we’ve started seeing more and more unusual Soup of the Day signs around our neighborhood (*cough* Google search). Perhaps these signs are just jokes, but perhaps they can be more. Much more. With our mouths watering and minds wandering, this is how we’d make these six surreal soups.
Making a soup from the Blue Agave plant’s potent extract is easier than you might assume. Just think “mouthful of meaty margarita” and you’re on your way. Make sure you salt the rim of the bowl and have at least one sick day remaining. Key ingredients: Jose Cuervo Silver, lime juice, shredded chicken breast, shredded cabbage, salt, Mexican jumping beans.
Tears of Our Enemies Soup
If your enemies list contains names like Terrell Owens, John Boehner, or any diehard Cubs fan, congratulations; you will have an easy go of it. Just throw a bucket in their general direction, wait a few minutes, and voila! Soup’s on. Since crywater is already pretty salty, this organic recipe might not be ideal for those on a low sodium diet. Key ingredients: Tears, tilapia, tofu, turnips, tater tots, tarragon, thyme.
Pay homage to the home of Jack Daniels with a meaty, whiskey-infused bowl of tangy Tennessee decadence. JD’s barbecue sauce already goes pretty good on ribs and such, so it should blend well with wet pork in a bowl. If your arteries aren’t clogged after a full serving, rinse, lather, and repeat. Key ingredients: Jack Daniels, pulled pork, beef stock, brown sugar, molasses.
Ireland’s well known export is a bit of an acquired taste, and so shall be this soup. Use the stout as your base, go heavy on the stereotypical staples, then serve while screaming “Slurp me, I’m Irish!” in your best brogue. Key ingredients: Guinness, potatoes, cabbage, corned beef, Lucky Charms.
Bud Light Soup
A soup made from (sigh) America’s best-selling beer will surely please some of the people some of the time. Double down on the Americana and load this one up with everything you’d find at a Ruby Tuesdays salad bar. Key ingredients: Bud Light, ranch dressing, bacon bits, franks-n-beans.
We’ve heard of cheeseburger soup before, but this is “Burgers” with an S. So if they want plural, they’ll get plural. Start by dicing up the icons (Big Mac, Whopper, Wendy’s Single), then add your choice of regional favorites (White Castle steamers, In-N-Out Animal fries, etc). For the soup base, we recommend 8 tablespoons of Wesson. Key ingredients: Way too many hamburgers, oil, last will and testament.
Yeah, you know what, we’re good with 6.